The Most Terrible Poverty
by fiddler1030
Summary: One Shot. Response to Sarah's question in 2x19. Why did future John send Cameron away? FutureJohn/Cameron


**One Shot. Set after 2x19 as a response to Sarah's question: Why did future John send Cameron away? Written before episode 2x21 Adam Raised a Cain. **

"_It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely" –Albert Einstein_

He could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices when he spoke to them. The way their faces, once awed and hopeful in his presence now looked on him: some with a callous disdain, some with confusion. He heard the whispers every time he walked through the camp: how the once great John Connor was now reduced to a figurehead that stooped to sleeping with metal. At first there were those who valiantly stood up for him, defending his decisions: he was the savior of mankind; he made hard decisions; John Connor could do no wrong. But every time he gave orders now, he could see their disappointment written on their faces and the sneers that twisted onto their countenances when they thought his back was turned.

He ignored it for the most part. They didn't know what it was like, _couldn't_ know what it was like to do what he did. There was only one John Connor, and he was it. When Derek told him there were rumbles of dissention and talks of mutiny in the ranks, John thought long and hard, but he knew what he had to do. He felt his jaw tighten and he headed back to his bunk. When he opened the door, she was there waiting for him, just like she always was. Still as beautiful and whole as when he had first seen her.

"Hello, John. How was your day?" she greeted him the same way she always did.

A sad smile flitted across his lips. "Today wasn't great, Cam," he said.

Just as she had so many times, Cameron moved forward and embraced him. John buried his face in her neck, wishing fiercely that she was human.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked, her brown eyes large and understanding.

John pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to will away his tension. He and Cameron talked all the time. He knew he relied on her more than he should, but she was the only one who could listen to him and comfort him, because she understood. She was programmed to understand. By virtue of being a machine, she had no earthly concerns beyond what he gave her. _He_ was her only concern, and now he would have to send her away.

"You're sad," she observed, pulling back to look him in the eye. "What makes you sad?"

He took a moment, studying her face. "You know how important you are, Cameron, right?" He blinked furiously, his eyes burning with fatigue and stress.

Cameron looked back at him. "You tell me I'm important," she responded with a tilt of her head. "You are the most important man in the world," she said, trying to smooth the tension from his wrinkled brow. "You take care of everyone. You protect them."

John felt an incredible sadness well up inside him. She was his confidant: the only one who understood how lonely it was being John Connor. "Well, lately, I'm not so sure that's true," he relinquished. "They don't trust me like they used to. They're beginning to doubt me," he said, sitting on his makeshift mattress of sacks and straw and buried his face in his hands.

"It is not always easy being a great leader," Cameron said, sitting beside him. "People have trouble being told what to do. It is not easy living in hiding, being constantly afraid for their lives. You bring them hope," she laid a hand on his arm.

John looked up at her, his eyes filled with anguish. "I've not been as strong as I should have," he said. "I've permitted myself weaknesses," he reached out to touch her cheek. "Some of them are… unforgivable," his voice trailed off.

Cameron looked confused. "I don't understand."

John took a shaky breath before saying the words he dreaded. "I have to send you away," he said, his voice breaking.

He heard Cameron's sharp intake of breath, knowing she didn't need air, that it was only an imitation. "I don't understand," she repeated.

"Come with me," he said, taking her hand.

They walked together out of his bunk, walking through the expanse of the camp he had established, trying to ignore the whispers that followed about John Connor and his metal whore. They passed through the programming rooms back into the chamber John kept hidden from the majority of his camp. They stopped in front of a computer and a complicated looking mass of wires.

"What is this, John?" Cameron asked, her eyes wide.

John took her hands. "I'm sending you away," he said firmly, trying to ignore the dull pain in his chest every time he breathed.

Cameron's face twisted in hurt. "Did I do something to displease you?" she asked.

John gritted his teeth. This was too hard. He had given up his whole life for these people, for the Resistance. Why did he have to give her up too? "No, Cameron. This isn't about anything you did. It's because of me. You won't be away from me," he said. "Not really. I'm sending you back to 1999. I was just a kid then. I need protecting, and I trust you with my life. Young John Connor needs someone too." He took her face in his hands. "Do you understand me?"

Her big brown eyes were sorrowful. "I don't want to go, John."

John's heart wrenched in his chest. "I don't want you to go, but this is the only way. Go back, protect me. Stop Skynet, Cameron. Those are orders. You know how to find me."

"I understand," she said. "Will I come back to you?" she asked.

"I don't know," John replied. "If you need too, yes. But promise me you will take care of me. You cannot fail, Cameron. The future rests on it. Keep yourself in repair. Keep any spare parts you may need. I won't know how to fix you yet, so you will have to repair yourself. Blend in. Find me. Protect me."

Cameron nodded. "Thank you for explaining."

"I'm sorry you have to go," he said. "I'll miss you," he said quietly, almost a whisper.

"You are protecting your people," she said, cocking her head to one side. "John Connor is a great man."

John pulled her into one last embrace before stepping over to the computer. "Are you ready?" he asked.

Cameron nodded, standing in the center of a white circle painted on the floor. "I love you, John," she said.

John felt his heart pull uncomfortably, making his chest tighten. "I know."

"Do you love me?" she asked.

John cast his eyes to the floor. Tears sprung to his eyes despite his will. "Yes," he croaked out, his voice barely audible as he punched in the coordinates and Cameron disappeared in a flash of blue light.


End file.
